Deja Vu
by shantella1987
Summary: Although the Doctor was a lot more apt to hold her hand and give her hugs at random intervals than he used to be, she couldn't let herself believe he was in love with her. RE-UPLOAD


**RE-UPLOADED!**

 **I felt like I had to delete the old version as I didn't feel the ending made a lot of sense. I reworked a few other bits here and there too, so hopefully I've improved it overall.**

 **Just a quick spoiler warning as this story contains plot elements from the novel The Stone Rose, so continue at your own peril!**

 **As always I don't own anything, the BBC does.**

Rose considered the Doctor to be her best friend in the entire universe. They travelled and had wonderful adventures, oftentimes saving people and civilisations along the way. Rose loved it all: the thrill of seeing new places and time periods, the running (of which there was a _ridiculous_ amount of) into and out of danger with his hand clasped firmly around hers, and even her travelling companion. She knew it was silly; she was human and he was a nine-hundred-year-old alien who even looked too old for her by Earth standards. He didn't even seem interested in her in that way at all, so she just kept things within the bounds of friendship.

Still, she could almost pinpoint the moment she realised she truly loved him. It was when he activated Emergency Programme One to send her home. She knew, of course, that he was trying to act in her best interests. Life on boring old 21st century Earth was preferable to being killed by a bunch of insane Daleks in his mind, but Rose wouldn't have it. After all she'd seen travelling with him, the good things and the bad, she learned that she couldn't just sit by and let things happen, and that included the death of the man she loved, even if he didn't feel the same about her. He showed her a better life, and she was damned if she was going to just let his end. Even if they both died facing his oldest and most deadly enemies, he wouldn't face death alone.

So Rose broke into the TARDIS console and stared into the heart of Her. And She understood, for She loved her thief enough to house Her power in the human girl who healed his hearts.

After that, her memories were hazy. She remembered the moment the console finally gave way under the chain Mickey was pulling on with the rescue truck, then there was this light, and singing, and there she was laying on the floor of the console room with the Doctor watching her with that daft smile of his stuck on his face. She tried asking him about her lost memories, but he just said that he sang a song and the Daleks ran away.

Then he started to make even less sense. He was babbling on about Barcelona and dogs with no noses, and then the fact he wasn't going to see her again, at least not with that "daft old face".

Then the most unexpected thing happened: he exploded into light. When the light faded, another man appeared to stand in his place.

And that's when she realised just how much she loved the Doctor. That daft man with the big ears and piercing blue eyes was gone, and her heart felt like it was just torn in two.

But Rose felt a stab of guilt for thinking this stranger, with his tall thin frame, big hair and sideburns, soulful brown eyes, and who spoke with a Estuary accent was quite handsome. The Doctor was right: she did have a thing for pretty boys. She shook the feeling away quickly when he started begging with her that he was the same the same man.

Same man? How could he be? Despite the fact that he was wearing the same clothes as her Doctor, she refused to believe it. Even the explanation that he changed every single cell in his body to save his own life did little to quell her skepticism, and she had seen some pretty strange things during her travels.

Then he stepped up to her, knowing she needed more proof of his identity and slipped his hand into hers and whispered the first word he ever said to her.

"Run."

She looked closer into his eyes and saw the same ancient wisdom in their brown depths as she had seen in the Doctor's blue.

"Doctor." She whispered back.

"Hello." He beamed a manic grin at her. And that was the start of her beginning to trust him again.

But a few hours later, after thinking she lost him once again after he collapsed and remained feverish and unconscious through a good portion of an alien invasion he proved his identity once and for all. He was the Doctor, and he would defend the Earth from all manner of aliens. Even if they called themselves human.

Rose worried that he wouldn't want her back on the TARDIS with him now that he changed, but then he said something that made her heart skip a beat:

"I love you to come."

For whatever reason, her mind chose to focus on just the first three words of that sentence for a good long moment.

Surely he didn't mean what she thought he meant. But there was the way he smiled at her and took her hand. How he leaned even closer to her when she hugged his arm. And there was a moment, when she suddenly found their faces only inches apart when she thought he might just kiss her.

 _You're just being daft._ Rose chastised herself. _There's no way he'd do that. He's the Doctor._

She then started thinking again about the gap in her memory. For the briefest of moments that thought didn't seem that ridiculous.

Shortly thereafter, they found themselves on New Earth and Rose found herself under the control of the "last human". She was completely powerless when Cassandra decided to use her body and snog the living daylights out of the Doctor. Despite the fact that she wasn't in control of her actions, a strong sense of déjà vu took over. She was almost certain they had done that before! Maybe not in this almost violent manner, but it still felt so familiar.

Rose pushed those thoughts aside. Maybe whatever she thought she remembered was just a side effect of the psycho-graft. Although the Doctor was a lot more apt to hold her hand and give her hugs at random intervals than he used to be, she couldn't let herself believe he was in love with her.

Then they went to ancient Rome after finding a statue of the goddess Fortuna that looked identical to Rose in the British Museum. During the course of that adventure, the Doctor was transformed into a stone statue himself! Rose was able to give him an antidote, a drop of mysterious green liquid provided to her by the GENIE. The moment he was flesh and blood again, Rose thought he was pulling her into just another hug until she felt his lips touch hers. His kiss caught her off-guard, but it wasn't entirely an unwelcome experience. But the same sense of déjà vu took over again.

Later, Rose had discovered that the statue she saw of herself in the museum was in fact sculpted by the Doctor. She was flattered for sure, but still wasn't entirely sure what to make of this revelation. The statue was perfect. He captured every minute detail, even right down to the tiny chip in her fingernail. But somehow he had managed to make her look even more beautiful than she felt she looked.

He couldn't really love her. Could he?

That evening, after she had changed out of her Roman garb and into comfortable pyjamas she entered the console room carrying a couple mugs of hot chocolate. She found the Doctor dressed again in his usual brown pinstripes lying underneath the console fixing some loose cabling. She laughed to herself. She kind of liked the toga on him.

Her laugh caught his attention and he looked up and smiled indulgently at her.

"Thought you went to bed." He said as he stood up and took one of the offered mugs, smiling even wider when he realised she gave him extra marshmallows.

"Couldn't sleep." She shrugged as she lowered herself onto the jump seat. The Doctor plonked himself down next to her, taking a generous gulp of hot chocolate out of his mug.

"Now, why can't Rose Tyler sleep?" He pondered out loud.

"I dunno." She found herself blushing and staring at the marshmallows floating in her mug. She knew the exact reason; she just wasn't sure she wanted to vocalise it.

"Well, it's been a long couple of days running all over Rome. You're not the easiest person to track down sometimes. Gave me quite the challenge. Got thrown into the arena too almost getting fed to a lion, a tiger and a bear…"

"Oh my!" Rose smiled at him, unable to let the reference slide. He rolled his eyes, but laughed all the same.

"That's the thanks I get for just borrowing a horse, I suppose. Well, I say 'borrowed'…" Rose just shook her head at him, "And, let's not forget, you saved me from being a statue," he punctuated that point by bumping his shoulder into hers, and Rose's blush intensified but he didn't seem to notice. "Quite brave of you I must say. And what happened after, well… that was quite brilliant too."

Rose blinked and looked up to see him grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't possibly be referring to that kiss! Could he?

"It… it was?"

"Oh yes! I mean it was a bit tricky, crossing our own personal timelines like that, but resolving all those paradoxes was just amazing!"

She felt like she'd been punched in the gut. Of course he wouldn't even mention the emotional aspects of the day. Typical male.

"Yeah, it was." She smiled at him, hoping it looked genuine. She took a few tiny sips of her own drink finding it hard to maintain eye contact.

The Doctor stretched himself out on the jumpseat propping his feet up on the console (much to Her annoyance). Rose started a little when she realised he had rested his arm around her shoulders. She hoped he didn't notice that she jumped.

"You alright?" He asked gently, now pulling his arm more tightly around her. She nodded slightly, but still couldn't meet his eyes. He wasn't convinced. He sat up straight, discarded his now empty mug, and pulled her even closer to himself.

"Rose, please tell me what's wrong."

She looked up at him. The concern in his voice undid something in her, and she decided to tell him the truth.

"What you said before, about the _brilliant_ things happened after you came back from being a statue."

"Yeah?"

"I just thought you were referring to, y'know, something else being, sort of, well… brilliant."

His eyes widened when he realised exactly what she was referring to.

"Ah." Was all his brilliant Time Lord brain could come up with to say. He tugged at his earlobe in what Rose knew was a somewhat nervous gesture.

"I mean, I get it, you were just so relieved to be yourself again, and I guess it was just your way of saying thanks and all. And it really was sort-of brilliant, really brilliant in fact and… oh god." Rose buried her now possibly crimson face into her hands. She felt like she was babbling like an idiot, and she thought the Doctor must have thought so as well seeing as he had released his hold on her. She took a sharp breath and continued. "If you just want to forget about it that's fine! I don't expect you to actually have feelings for me, or anything. S'not like a big deal or anything. I mean it's not like we haven't done that before."

"You remember?" He mumbled so low she almost didn't hear him.

"You mean when Cassandra took control of my body and forced me to snog you breathless? Kind of hard to forget that day."

"Not what I meant." He shook his head, his voice deathly serious. Rose blinked.

"Then when?" The Doctor took a steadying breath, now finding he couldn't maintain eye contact with her.

"You remember the day I regenerated?" Rose nodded. That was a day she'd remember for the rest of her life. "There was a gap in your memory. Side effect, I suppose. You had the entire time vortex running through your head turning you into the Bad Wolf; a being intent on destroying the Daleks and ending the Time War. And you did. You took the vortex and destroyed them, including the Emperor. And all that power was going to kill you if I hadn't removed it."

"How'd you do it?" He smiled shyly at her, and she swore she saw his cheeks turn slightly pink, but it was hard to tell with the ambient lighting of the Time Rotor.

"You really want to know?" She nodded.

"You told me that your head was killing you. So I took you by the hands," he carefully removed the mug from her fingers and held her hands gently and Rose turned to face him fully, "And I said 'I think you need a Doctor'. Not my best line to be sure, but then, then I did this." He leaned in and kissed her gently, exactly like he did before he changed. He pulled away after a long moment and quickly stood and started fiddling with some random nobs and switches on the console, leaving a very confused Rose still sitting there.

"Course, there were other ways I could've removed the vortex. But..." His hands stilled and he just stared into the Time Rotor. "But I'm just a selfish old man… I never expected you to remember anyway."

Rose blinked at that last remark. There was the confirmation she needed. He didn't love her; in her mind he was just a dirty old man stealing kisses from a girl barely a fraction his age! She stood up quickly, turned him by the shoulder and slapped him across the face as hard as she could.

His eyes teared up at the impact. The TARDIS translation circuit refused to translate many of the words Rose was hurling at him (she had acquired some pretty colourful alien metaphors over the last few months), but he didn't need it to understand just how hurt she was. His eyes widened as he realised what he had said. It wasn't true, not in the least. But it was easier to let her think that instead of telling her the truth. At least that's what he thought. It seemed to have backfired catastrophically. He regretted what he said the moment he said them. He needed to make it right, or else he feared she would leave him alone again.

"I didn't mean it like that!" He grabbed her shoulders, and she lashed out against him striking his chest as hard as she could with her fists. But he persevered and pulled her to him in a tight hug. She slumped into his arms as all the fight left her at once.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I'm such an idiot. I didn't mean for you to get the wrong impression." He whispered as he felt her sob against his shoulder. "Please forgive me. I really, truly…" He closed his mouth abruptly. "Oh, you know."

She pulled far enough away to look sharply him in the eye.

"Do you?"

"Never would've kissed you otherwise." She racheted up her glare another couple of degrees. He sighed softly and guided her to the jumpseat again and took her hands in his. "Rose, I need you to know just how much you mean to me, even if I never say it. You have saved my life so many times and in so many ways that it's impossible for me to repay you."

"Really?" She asked shakily. He nodded then smiled softly at her as he reached up and wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. "Fine, I forgive you." He let out a relieved sigh as she reached up and gently touched his cheek, the red welts from where she hit him contrasted sharply with his fair complexion. "I'm sorry for that too."

He chuckled as he covered her hand with his.

"Like mother like daughter."

"Oi!" She playfully poked him in the ribs with her free hand and he laughed heartily. He grabbed that hand too and gathered them both on his chest. Rose could feel one of his hearts under each of her hands.

"But you have my permission to do it again if I ever imply that you mean nothing to me."

"You mean a lot to me too." She smiled shyly at him, loosely wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulled her into a warm hug.

"Quite right too."


End file.
